


Two Kinds of Knowing

by Anonymous



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 23:47:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30046653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Relationships: Paaran Shie/Moshae Sjefa
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2
Collections: Anonymous, Spectre Requisitions 2021





	Two Kinds of Knowing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cupofsmiles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cupofsmiles/gifts).



For the first time in weeks, the center of Aya's capital was quiet, as weeks of prolonged celebration had drawn to a conclusion. A _merciful_ conclusion, in the words of a more reticent member of the council, who hadn't witnessed such open debauchery in their lifetime.

Paaran Shie preferred to deem it _well deserved_ and had not stepped in to reign it in when pressed. A new world but more than that, a ceasefire in a forever war, deserved it. And their people needed a release valve, after several lifetimes of having little to celebrate.

Paaran was also, the only one still awake in the governor's office, lazily waving a paper fan with one hand out of habit, the other holding a datapad, catching up on work that had been left unattended for too long.

_It is in the opinion of the council_

She felt her eyes glaze. Summations of council opinion were vital to know and death to read. She put the fan down and tried again.

_It is in the opinion of the council_

She put the datapad down. Whatever was in the opinion of the council, it would wait a little longer. Her focus was muddled and what thoughts she had were dull and transitory. An unwelcome feeling but inevitable in the worn-out aftermath of the last few weeks.

She stood and went to the window. There was no one out tonight, save for a few passing guardsmen or a straggler sneaking home from a late night tryst.

She could go home, perhaps even should go home. But since she was a child she had carved out the night as her place, a destination in time that afforded her the peace and quiet she craved. And there was still someone she wanted to see.

* * *

The other woman did not need to look up when Paaran appeared in the doorway.

“Can't sleep?”

“Can't think.”

Moshae Sjefa lifted her head and smiled. “So you come to me.”

“I come to the one person I knew would also be awake at this time.” She stepped inside. Sjefa's laboratory always made her feel like she was stepping into a cave, stuffed with treasure. The light was low, the walls lined with objects of remnant and ancient Angaran origin.

Sjefa held out small object in her hands to Paaran, who took it. “This was one of the first pieces of remnant technology I ever found. Completely useless, as far as I can tell. Keep or give away?”

Paaran considered. It was spherical, black, dense. In truth, it made her think of a well made paperweight.

“Are you adopting a new lifestyle? I'm fairly certain I can convince the council to let you keep the lab, if you're worried the ambassadorship involves being kicked out of Aya.”

“How generous.” Her eyes twinkled at the familiar riposte. “And I'll keep it in mind. But I'm taking the opportunity to unburden myself of a few things.”

Paaran considered the object again.

“Keep,” she decided, handing it back. “First's are important.”

There were a number of boxes scattered around, Paaran noticed. She wasn't overly prone to sentiment but she felt a surprise rush of antagonism towards them.

“Are you alright?” Sjefa asked and Paaran realized she had been standing motionless and glassy eyed.

“Lost in thought,” she replied.

Her eyes fell on a sealed bottle of spirits perched close to the edge of the center table and she picked it up, flipping the attached card, and recognizing the careful script of Arbiter Ohmdaal, congratulating Sjefa on her recent appointment.

“Well, that was kind of him. I'll forgive the obvious ethics violation.”

“Ethics violation?”

“A gift from a government employee to a political appointee? Governments had been toppled over less.”

“Perhaps we should open it now then, lest I get my illustrious governor involved in a political scandal.”

* * *

In short order, they were two glasses in and sifting through old memories like sand.

“I'd forgotten about that old apartment,” Sjefa said. “But I do remember Leesa almost toppling over the balcony that one night.”

They both became quiet, lost in thought. In recent months, Paaran found herself thinking of those years more than she was comfortable with. Both of them young, Sjefa not yet the Moshae, and she only a council aid. An endless war raged outside Aya. Everyone had a list of personal losses – people and places they would never get back.

And there they were, safely cocooned on Aya, spending nights on Sjefa's balcony, indulging in terrible, homemade spirits, and solving the galaxy's problems as if they had a clue.

“Is it still there?” Sjefa's asked, snapping Paaran's focus back.

“The apartment block? No, we relocated everyone and had it torn down years ago. The whole thing had been built not long after the initial settlement. Completely unsuitable for the long term.”

“I remember. Shame, though. I did love that tree.”

The old apartment blocks were a maze of domiciles, slapped together in the initial rush after Aya's settlement, made out of whatever was cheap and available. At the center was a courtyard with a tree in the middle. It bloomed at the end of the rainy season, becoming a magnificent sight.

“It's still there. A rare species, apparently. The ecologists insisted we leave it.”

“Well,” Sjefa said, her voice becoming quiet. “That's something.”

“ _So_ ,” she said, deciding it was time to break from the solipsism that threatened to engulf her. “Ambassador. Another title for your crown.”

Sjefa had her cheek cradled in her hand. Her eyes flicked towards Paaran.

“I didn't ask for it.”

Paaran grinned, “And yet you accepted. _Eagerly_.”

“And you would have had me say no?”

Paaran smiled, “I'm just surprised you'll be joining me in the world of bureaucracy.” She took pains to articulate every syllable in the last word.

Sjefa groaned, covering her face with her hand.

“Are you looking forward to it?”

Sjefa uncovered her face.

“Am I looking forward to a job thrust on me, with poorly defined duties?”

“Is that any different than being the Moshae?”

And at that, Sjefa burst into laughter.

“Sometimes I think you're the only one who sees me beyond that title.”

“Only because I knew you before you were the Moshae.”

“True. It's difficult to be impressive to someone who knew you when you were young.”

“You've always been impressive to me. When do you leave?”

“A week from now. A tour of all the colonies and meetings with their leadership, culminating in a reception on the Nexus.” She sighed, examining her glass. “I'm not sure what they're expecting from me.”

Paaran cleared her throat and Sjefa looked up, rolling her eyes.

“Yes, this is an area I would welcome your advice.”

“Make yourself available. Let them know you'll listen to concerns and be willing to assist. That's all anyone wants.”

“Trade secrets! How do you know I won't make a run for governor when this is done.”

“Because I know you.”

“One of the few that do.”

They slipped into another comfortable silence.

“You said that tree was still standing?”

“Last I knew.”

Sjefa stood, stretched, and extended her hand to Paaran, who took it, allowing herself to be pulled to her feet.

“Let's pay it a visit.”

* * *

Outside, Sjefa threaded her arm through Paaran's. As they walked through narrow side streets, trying to remember the way to the old apartment blocks in the dark Paaran realized, with a jolt, that there was a complete recklessness to their actions. Sjefa had only just convinced Evfra she did not need an armed bodyguard trailing her every step in Aya's city center. At the time, Paaran had admired Sjefa's commitment to giving trust and grace to the people she served, when she had been given every reason not to. Now, as their forms cast shadows over empty buildings, she realized Evfra may have had a point. She tried to picture his face upon learning they had both been ambushed wandering alone in the dark, and had to suppress a nervous bark of laughter.

The old apartment blocks had been torn down, the area cleared, but not yet replaced. Delays were inevitable on Aya – there had never been enough time or money or available crew to complete a project in a timely fashion. And so the project had laid dormant, the surrounding vegetation left to reclaim the space. Save for a few remnants of a foundation and remaining walkways, there was little indication of what had once been there. In a few years, there would be none.

But there it was, the tree they'd looked out on every night from the apartment balcony, their legs dangling over the edge, trying to catch falling flowers in a rulelessgame. Paaran had to admit that it was a sight worth a foolhardy trip in the dark, in full blown with pink flowers, cast before them in moonlight.

“Well,” Paaran said, as Sjefa pulled away from her, putting her hand on its trunk. “Is it how you remembered?”

“Yes.” She sounded almost reverent. She reached and plucked a flower off a low branch. “You know, it doesn't even feel that long ago. Time slipped away from me”

“You're not that old,” Paaran said. But in truth, she knew the feeling too well.

A breeze went through the old courtyard, sending a shower of petals cascading around them. She looked over at Sjefa, who was looking up, a thoughtful smile on her face, a shaft of moonlight hitting her, the flower still in her hand.

Her heart stilled.

Sjefa glanced over at her.

“What's wrong?”

“Nothing.” Like most Angaran, she was a poor liar.

“You were staring.”

“I won't burden you with it.”

A look of surprise crossed Sjefa's face. “When have you ever been a burden to me?”

Paaran did not how to reply.

Sjefa let the flower fall from her hand. She went to Paaran, reached up and put her palm to her cheek. The air felt still around them.

“It's late,” Paaran said. Whatever nerve she had was retreating fast. “We should return.”

Sjefa looked at her intently for a few moments more before nodding in agreement. She took one last look at the tree.

“I'm glad it's still here,” she said. “So much has been lost already.”

* * *

In the weeks that followed, Sjefa left on her grand tour and Paaran returned to her duties. They resumed the correspondence they'd kept up through every physical absence in each other's lives. The disquiet from the night in the courtyard had remained but Paaran had found

The resistance, Nexus strike teams, and volunteer militia were undergoing negotiations to unify into a cohesive military. It was a admirable endeavor, necessary in the event of Khett backlash, and despite the best efforts of all involved, creating at least ten new crises everyday. Evfra had asked for assistance in negotiations on Aya's end. He had even been gracious about it.

“The Moshae will be able to assist with most of this,” Paaran said in passing one evening, the two of them pouring over back and forths between the numerous factions. “When she gets back.”

Evfra grunted. “If they ever let her come back.”

“She's not being kept prisoner, Evfra.” She regretted the choice of words. But Evfra didn't flinch.

“They'll keep her busy with dinners and functions. All so they can say the angaran are deeply involved in whatever they have planned for Helius.”

“And here I thought you were starting to like them. Didn't they exceed your expectations?”

“I have no expectations.” Which, Paaran thought, was progress as far as Evfra was concerned.

It was an uncomfortable thought, the idea of Sjefa no longer being a regular part of their, of _her,_ life and yet, they had already faced down that reality. The grief she had felt after Sjefas' capture had been all encompassing and worse, there was no outlet for it. Few things could cause an unrestrained panic as a head of state in obvious distress, so she had kept herself collected, cool, and calm. She would not soon forget the sheer relief that had come over her when the Pathfinder's team brought her back, seeing her face, hearing her voice, knowing that she had not left her to chart a way forward without her.

* * *

Two things happened after that made everything clear.

The first was the annual Vesaal announcement. Paaran's name was not on it, nor were any of her immediate family members. The later pleased her. The former left her feeling uncharacteristically numb. She hadn't exactly been hoping to leave the governorship, there was still plenty she wanted to accomplish, but for the first time in her life she had felt herself casting her thoughts to the worlds outside Aya, and what they might have to offer.

After all, Sjefa had found them interesting enough.

The second thing that happened was an invitation from what amounted to the leadership on Meridian, inviting her and other leaders from the cluster to see the planet, in a gesture of good will. Sjefa messaged her not long after.

_I hope you've accepted. It's been too long, my friend._

How could she refuse?

While she had seen the vids of Meridian countless times, it didn't compare to the real thing. It was a marvel, but it didn't compare to the feeling she had when she saw Sjefa in the crowd as she departed her shuttle, beaming at her.

“It's been too long,” she said, pulling her into a hug. “I can't wait to show you everything.”

“After we endure the ceremony,” Paaran replied.

There was a reception and dinner that night and it did, in fact, become an endurance. Speeches on top of speeches on the importance of cooperation in forging a new future in Heleus together. Paaran, who was well practiced at these events, found it difficult to focus on anything other than the woman sitting next to her. Sjefa listened to it all with a serene smile on her face, but Paaran knew her well enough to know that her mind was somewhere else, as well.

When it was over, Sjefa took her hand.

“Come back with me to my room. We still need to catch up.”

The rooms they'd been afforded were humble and small, in one of the first outcroppings of buildings built around where the Hyperion had landed. The light inside felt a little too bright, every fixture little too artificial, clean.

It was not the ideal atmosphere for personal declaration.

“Can we go outside? Take a walk?” Paaran had no idea what was strictly allowed.

  
That idea seemed to please Sjefa, who eagerly took her hand, leading her outside.

Outside, she launched into an explanation of the artificial light on Meridian, how it worked, or rather the theory behind how it all worked, which largely went over Paaran's head but she found herself eager to listen, eager to hear Sjefa in her element. They stopped a little ways out under a tree, watching the light grow dimmer.

It was not their tree, but it would suffice.

“The Vesaal list came out. My name wasn't on it.”

“And yet, you sound disappointed.”

Paaran swallowed. _Deep breath_ , she thought. _There's nothing to fear here._

“I've been,” she paused, searching for the right words. “Taking stock of my life. What's in it. But more, what's not.”

“If the past few years have shown me anything it's that all I've accomplished could be gone tomorrow. Reduced to nothing. But I wouldn't have any regrets .”

“As you should be,” Sjefa added.

“Save for one.”

She took Sjefa's hand, turned it over, let her thumbs trail along the creases. She was careful, remembering remembering how it had been broken, healed, but not entirely made whole. Life always left its mark, if not its lessons.

Sjefa was watching her. Paaran started to speak, stopped. She stared very hard at Sjefa's hand. “I don't know why this is the hardest part.”

Paaran lifted her head. She closed her eyes, pulled Sjefa close, pressed her forehead to hers. She could feel Sjefa's bioelectrical current run through her, mingling with her own.

“Let me put you out of your misery,” Sjefa said, she could feel her lips graze her neck. “The answer's yes.”

* * *

They slept little that night, stumbling out of bed in the early hours, and walking to a small lookout to observe the light come up over Meridian. Not a sunrise, but something else, something entirely its own.

_How clear_ , she thought, Sjefa's head tucked against her own. _How bright_.


End file.
